?

Log in

No account? Create an account
A day in the life of. . . [entries|friends|calendar]
Patches

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

You there! Stroke my ego!
Those rat bastard humans! [01 Jun 2006|03:04pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I can NOT believe this crap!

This morning I was informed that my shots are going to be done next month. I AM AN INDOOR CAT, PEOPLE! HELLO! I DO NOT GO OUTSIDE! Why in the eleven blue hells do I need shots?! I'm not a mangy dog!

~shakes head~ I don't get it.

And what's worse is I was just MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS this morning, and the dog tried to eat me! Mommy said she saw me try to pick on him, that I should know better, and all that, or something like that. I just walked away and flicked my tail at her. I don't think so. Said she was going to knock me back to kittenhood if I didn't start straightening up and if she caught me messing with the dog again. HA! I'd LOVE to see her catch me first!

You there! Stroke my ego!
I'm a sexy kitty! [20 Apr 2006|04:22pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

It's been a long time since my last post, but Mommy's been pretty busy with school. So, now I've beaten her into submission and now she's writing an entry for my journal. Of course, she just HAD to do that slobbery dog's journal first, but that's alright. She saved the best for last. She says she loves us each equally, but we all know the truth, even if she doesn't want to admit it, I'm the superiour of the two animals!

The nerve of that woman, though, she offered me a bath! NO! I'm a cat! I do NOT do baths! That dog could sure use one, though! He's been chasing me all over the place, and he needs to know I can kick his ass with my tail, while I'm blindfolded! He steps on me, and I have no choice but to fight back! I can't have him using me for his personal doggie mat! No! Then he gets in trouble for terrorizing me, which annoys the holy hell out of me! The nerve!

Daddy has been buying me these tasty things called "Pounce" cat treats. They're quite tasty. I love it that I can get them whenever the dog goes out, but the humans don't seem to get it that I should be given mine first before the dog. I don't get it. I've been trying to teach the humans, and they don't ever listen.

It's been so hot in the apartment, I've been taking to laying on my back. The humans call me a "slut kitty," which I am no such thing. I'm sexy and I know it. I can't help it that I'm that good looking! mr_ruffles was laying on his back the other day out in the living room, and Mommy offered to come get me and bring me out to the living room, also, so we could be slutty together. Uhm. . .no. I do my slutty ways on my own, thank you!

You there! Stroke my ego!
You there! STROKE MY EGO! [16 Feb 2006|03:46pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

When will that dog ever learn I do not play with dogs?! This morning, he about barrelled me over, I can't believe the nerve of that slobbery beast! ~Hiss!~ You would think after the number of times I've stuck my nose in the air, not to mention my tail, he'd get the hint! But, that's a dog for you. Can't seem to realize that we cats are the better species!

I mean, let's face it, we don't slobber everywhere, we lay around, expect people to pet us, we have people cater to just about our every whim, how much better can a cat's life get?!

Lately, I've been wanting that human, tabitha, to pet me. She'll be sitting there at her desk, and she's got books out that she says she's trying to read, but she doesn't seem to get it that those books are a welcome invitation for me to come over and dominate the space, not to mention demand the attention I so richly deserve! The nerve of that woman, she even picked me up and carried me into the room where my daddy was so I would not bother her! Well! How DARE she do that!? I am a CAT. Feline. We were worshipped thousands of years ago. Somehow or other along the way, those pesky humans forgot. Well, they will soon realize that we are the dominant species in the world, and will soon realize that they are our staff!

You there! Stroke my ego!
Daddy's back from wherever he was! [12 Jan 2006|09:42pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Honestly. I can't believe the everloving nerve of my daddy just up and leaving the way he did for so long yet again. tabitha and alienboy72 took excellent care of me while he was gone, but damn! Enough already! He told tabitha after she'd asked him if we were back on speaking terms, that is to say if I'm speaking to him again, and he said that I didn't try to kill him in his sleep, so he guesses so. Her friend was over, and he told her friend that if I were a human, he'd be married by now the way I act when he's coming in after being gone for awhile.

mr_ruffles chased me around the other day. I can't honestly understand that dog. I had to cuff him across the nose with my paw once because he wouldn't quit sniffing my butt! GROSS! I have other things to do in my kitty schedule that do NOT consist of being sniffed like some street tramp. ~hiss~

7 Made me purr You there! Stroke my ego!
How RUDE! [04 Jan 2006|04:07pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Can't a girl get a decent cat nap around here?!

mr_ruffles and I were scared out of our minds with this thing called a vaccuum. It's a menace, I tell you!

There I was, minding my own kitty business, laying on the bed, and I was having a nice dream about chasing mice, and all of a sudden, I hear this SOUND coming from the living room, and it's LOUD, and I DON'T like it. I stayed in the bedroom. I was NOT impressed, I tell you!

Later on, the monster was brought into the room where I was sleeping, and I ended up hiding in the closet. When the monster was shut off, I made sure to give the human a NASTY look as I was coming back out, to make sure he knew who he was dealing with.

Daddy thought it was funny. I don't get it. Are we animals here for your amusement?! I don't think so! You are to pay homage to us, not the other way around!

Oh, and it gets better. For about a week, Daddy's friend was over visiting. STAYING ON MY SPOT ON THE BED, TOO!! I don't get it. I don't like it, either. I let her know a thing or two about that, also. She can't figure out how she got scratched up. Well, maybe now that she's gone, she'll get the hint. Daddy told me it wasn't very nice of me to scratch her up, but I was just trying to make a point. Daddy is going to talk to her and tabitha wanted to know when she's coming back over. If I had my way, she wouldn't, but to pay me some more attention. Not me paying her attention. That's got to stop, I'm telling you!

And what's with the dog!? mr_ruffles has taken to sniffing my butt. How dare he!? He certainly doesn't know how to listen when he's told to stop that. His mommy told him that if I turn around and get him on the nose, she's not going to get mad at me. Good thing, because I don't answer to her! buahahahaha

You there! Stroke my ego!
Daddy's home!! [29 Dec 2005|10:32am]
[ mood | grumpy ]

Daddy and Theresa came home yesterday night. That was good. I didn't enjoy the fact that tabitha and her husband were changing things, though, in the apartment. Honestly, can't humans just leave well enough alone?! I, like mr_ruffles, had to stay out of the way for fear of being trampled on.

Daddy and Theresa spent a lot of time in the bedroom that Daddy and I normally sleep in, which means that I was shut out for a good majority of the time they were in there. Theresa even told tabitha that she and Daddy were going to go make a baby or something of that nature. I don't know why they'd want to do that, they've got me after all!

Well, that's just fine. So, whenever the humans were done moving things around, I was laying on their bedroom floor, and Daddy and Theresa were in the other bedroom doing God knows what, probably what mr_ruffles' humans do from time to time, I was almost shut into the bedroom, but tabitha's husband almost told her to put me out first. The NERVE! She told him that I was on the floor and it didn't appear that I was willing to move, so he said it should be fine if I stayed. Good thing, too, or I'd have had to pitch a holy fit!

I did eventually get put into Daddy's room again. When he wasn't moving fast enough for my liking to let me out this morning, I bitched, but he called me a "pain in the butt" and told me that he's going to have to install a "kitty" door on his bedroom door so I can come and go as I please. It's about time he thought about that, but what's taking so long in getting it done!? I mean, seriously!

-PATCHES

You there! Stroke my ego!
Life is good. [28 Dec 2005|02:07pm]
[ mood | content ]

Daddy had to go back to the hospital again last night and sit with his friend. He made sure I had water, food, and changed my litter for me, and then left.

The humans that are taking care of me while he's gone, they're playing with me a lot and so is that dog of theirs. tabitha petted mr_ruffles when Eric woke her up, and then she called me over and petted me. So, yes, life is good.

I am glad I'm a cat, but I don't like getting nice and comfy on a spot, and finding out I'm laying on something that one of the humans needs. This morning, tabitha was trying to get ready to go out, and I was laying on her jeans. She started tugging on them, gently, but was telling me to get up so she could get her jeans on. I wasn't too impressed, and gave her the look that pretty much told her so. She just laughed it off, and told Eric, who in turn laughed it off, also. mr_ruffles just sat on Eric's lap and begged for attention. He's so good at that.

Daddy should be home tonight. tabitha told him to tell his friend to hurry up and get better, or she's going to have to kick his friend's butt. Well. I just want my daddy back.

-PATCHES

You there! Stroke my ego!
I can't believe this crap! [27 Dec 2005|02:15pm]
[ mood | content ]

Daddy came in night before last, and then left yesterday. tabitha, and her husband, and mr_ruffles have been keeping an eye on me again, which is fine. They don't know where Daddy went, but I hope he's not going to be gone like he was before for as long as he was.

Daddy gave me some wet food yesterday, and tabitha told him it might be a good idea to let me eat in peace with the door shut so mr_ruffles wouldn't try to "help" me eat, which would annoy me greatly. Apparently he's got a bit of a taste for what we felines like to eat. He didn't seem to mind my eating with him, but I won't share. It's MY food, and I WON'T give any to the dog. ha ha!

PATCHES

You there! Stroke my ego!
Guess it's not too bad!! [23 Dec 2005|11:37am]
[ mood | cranky ]

Daddy's still not back yet. I'm bored as hell, and the dog won't leave me alone.

The humans that are taking care of me until Daddy gets home are taking very good care of me, which is nice. tabitha carried me around the apartment last night, petting me and talking to me, which was nice. That girl knows how to rub my head and make me purr! So does her husband! He sat there and let me jump into his lap and he petted me for a little bit.

tabitha wants real bad to adopt me, but she and her husband know that I'm far too attached to my daddy and he to me. That's alright, though, they're paying LOTS of attention to me, which is good. This morning, I jumped on tabitha's lap and she petted me for a bit, but then mr_ruffles had to come along and bug me. I swear that dog will never listen.

-PATCHES

You there! Stroke my ego!
Well, I never! [22 Dec 2005|01:43pm]
[ mood | content ]

My Daddy came home yesterday just long enough to grab some clothes and his girlfriend's bag and then he took off after asking tabitha and her husband and that dastardly mr_ruffles to keep an eye on me while he's gone.

Apparently he doesn't know when he's going to be back. He told them that he knows I'm going to give him hell when he gets back. He's certainly right! I AM! I'm not impressed with his behaviour, and I must say, he didn't even bother to pet me. Can you believe the nerve of that man! I mean, of all the things to do! First you kick me off the bed, MY RIGHTFUL SPOT, I might add, and then you go off and ignore me!? NO. I won't tolerate this! He will hear from me about this when he gets home, mark my kitty words! Then, as he's leaving, he says to tabitha that if he doesn't wake up and finds numerous scratch marks on his face, and has been suffocated, then that's my way of killing him and showing him my distaste in his actions. They laughed. Those silly humans laughed.

mr_ruffles and I are about to have it out, too. His humans were playing with him and that silly ball of his, and they threw it and he almost knocked me over to get it! Last night AND today! And then his humans don't even reprimand him for it! They just laugh! AT ME! Queen Patches! I don't think so.

tabitha yanked the blanket from under me after she'd found where I was hiding last night. She almost stepped on me and then had the nerve to pull the blanket from under me and make me come out. I don't think so. But, she did make up for it by petting me. This morning, she petted me and told me how pretty I am. That girl can really stroke an ego! So, I guess I can forgive her and her husband for torturing me with their dog.

~rolls eyes~ mr_ruffles tried to give me kisses with that slobbery tongue of his this morning. I just looked at him, and it was, apparently, enough to get him the hint that he better not. He loves kitties, but I don't think too fondly of him. tabitha tried to convince me that when Daddy and I move out, that I'm going to be looking for him and vice versa, b/c we've lived together for a little over a year and a half now. That's how long I've been there. I know she's trying to make me make peace with that dog of hers, but that's not going to happen. That's beneath me to do, and it won't happen, I assure you. hee hee

PATCHES

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]